AbNormal
by Tsuna 4 Cn4s
Summary: Based on "Crazy Things to do on an Elevator". Summary: Mukuro creates a list of things to entertain himself with while Kyoya is in Japan. Tsuna finds the list and discusses its contents with Mukuro; the talk comes too late for Mukuro's "victims".


_Mukuro makes a list of ways in which to entertain himself. Tsuna finds the list, but Mukuro has already committed the deeds. Now, Boss and Guardian sit down to explore just what kind of trouble Mukuro has gotten himself in to; standing by are reports written and submitted by Mukuro's victims._

**Author's Note: The following conversation is strictly kept between Tsuna and Mukuro. No other character appears. The italized sections are the instructions from the original list and inspiration for this piece: "Crazy Things to do in an Elevator"; in this story, Tsuna is reading them from Mukuro's list.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_**

**• { [Ab]Normal } •**

"Number one," Tsuna began to read the list, "_when there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you._"

"I thought it was funny." Mukuro explained, shrugging.

"Number two,_ push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more._"

"Again, no one appreciates my sense of humor."

"Number three:_Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones._ What's with you and the elevator?"

"When I'm in an elevator, it's the only time I feel close to Heaven." Mukuro sighed.

"... Four: _Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on._"

"That was more of a mental note." Mukuro frowned. "Why look at me like that? Don't you ever wonder about this sort of thing?"

"_Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, 'Hi Greg. How's your day been?'_"

"See, I don't know why I went with the name 'Greg'. I could have said something like Oscar Wilde or Darth Vader."

"_Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, 'That's mine!'_"

"Kufufu~you should have seen how terrified they were!"

"Number seven, _bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator._ Again?"

"I didn't go on after that."

"_Move a desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment._"

"Except for then."

"_Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play._ You don't specify where this happened. Do I want to ask?"

"Grocery store. Boy, that meat boy's got the MOVES."

"_Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking._"

"I agree. It was cruel, even for me."

" _ Pretend you are a flight attendant_ - should I just assume you're on the elevator for good, now?"

"Um, yes, I think so."

"Okay. _ Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. _ Why is that bad?"

"I singled out one obese man and blamed him if the elevator cord snapped."

"I see. Number twelve, _ 'Did you feel that?' _ "

"I didn't realize that woman had such a poor heart..."

" _ Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. _ "

"Hey, that was more unpleasant for me than for them. It was as if deoderant had gone extinct."

" _ When the doors close, announce to the others, 'It's okay, don't panic, they open again!' _ "

"I... wanted to reassure them?"

" _ Swat at flies that don't exist. _ "

"Smacking that man in the face was an accident."

"Sixteen: _ tell people that you can see their aura. _ "

"I just wanted to see how they would react. You always hear about these things... And they're so understanding and supportive on TV."

" _ Call out, 'Group Hug!' and then enforce it. _ Should I ask how it was enforced?"

"I'm not sure if there was more screaming before or during the hug."

" _ Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, all of you, just shut up!' _ "

"I blame that one on you. I was trying to have a conversation with Chrome but you people were constantly distracting her!"

" _ Crack open your briefcase and while peering inside, ask, 'Got enough air in there?' _ "

"One little girl asked if see could see the puppy."

"You actually had a dog with you?"

"I asked her, 'Why did you assume it's a friendly puppy, sweetie? It almost cost you your face."

"Of course. Number twenty: _ stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. _ "

"It took over an hour for people to become unnerved; it was quite a feat of dedication on my part."

"This whole list is a feat of dedication. Shall I continue?"

"Please."

"Twenty-one: _ stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, 'Your one of THEM!' and back away slowly. _ "

"You'd be surprised how hostile the other passengers became."

" _ Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. _ "

"One little boy laughed!"

Tsuna glanced at a paper on his desk. "According to this report, you insulted his grandmother to the point of tears."

"... Okay, but he laughed before that."

"Twenty-three: _ listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. _ "

"Three people asked if I were a patient. I told them I was the new doctor."

"Oh wonderful. Nice touch. Twenty-four: _ make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. _ Oh come on!"

"It was a little silly." Mukuro smirked. "But fun."

" _ Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, then announce, 'I have new socks on.' _ "

"Embarrassing. I chose a dim-wit that actually wanted to see."

" _ Draw a square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, 'This is MY personal space!' _ "

"One jerk got smart and stepped on my line."

"He's the one who is suing for assault?"

Mukuro appeared please. "Those kind of brains is why you're the boss."

" _ When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button say, 'Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker!' _ "

"And people thought he was unpleasant when he first stepped on. Whew." Mukuro shook his head.

" _ Whistle the first seven notes of _ It's a Small World _ incessantly. _ "

"I was surprised by the results; seven people glared at me and one actually threatened to punch me in the nose."

"But you showed him by beating him to it?"

Mukuro's mouth dropped. "You would have me take that garbage!"

" _ Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your own upside down. _ "

"Oh, it's out of order; that came immediately before the group hug."

"An ice breaker?"

"Exactly!"

" _ When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. _ Oh, so you actually left the elevator a few times?"

"Occasionally. For humorous effect."

" _ Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a hearty handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. _ "

"A few of them did. Then one couple tried to escort me to the mental ward. I told them of my war adventures on the way, and the wife actually had to throw up!"

" _ Meow occasionally _ ?"

"I was running low on ideas at this point."

" _ Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose _?"

"It was fun until one kid actually wanted me to do it..."

" _ Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side. _ Oh Mukuro..."

"I feel as though I'd made a come-back towards genius at that point."

" _ When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'Is that your beeper?' _ Why is that funny?"

"Those reports don't mention my use of the word 'sucker' afterwards?"

" _ Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons. _ "

"No comment."

Tsuna frowned at the page. "All the reports have an additional complaint which isn't even mentioned on this list."

"Oh? Funny, I don't remember ab-libbing. What is it?"

" _ Announced in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more suitable host body.' _ "

"Hey!" Mukuro lunged across the table and pulled the reports from Tsuna's hands. He scowled at the last item. "What is this? I wasn't even trying to be funny! And what are they insinuating by the word 'demonic'?"


End file.
